


I'm not all good now

by babybam



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas, Hurt/Comfort, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Minor Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:49:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22021342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babybam/pseuds/babybam
Summary: It's Christmas Day and Felix is sick, and not happy about it.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Kudos: 275





	I'm not all good now

**Author's Note:**

> me, posting a christmas fic after christmas? very likely. but at least it's still december! heh!  
> title inspired by felix's iconic line in levanter :') this fic happens in the same universe as [Saturday Morning](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19770559) but they're both stand-alone fics!
> 
> i hope you enjoy this! i'm excited about posting again after months, fall was rough..
> 
>  **originally posted on december 29th 2019.**  
>  **edit december 13th 2020:** made a few changes, but it's basically the same as before! just changed one scene which had been bothering me!

Felix had never been as uncomfortable as he was now. His head was pounding, the light was too bright even through his closed eyelids and on top of that he was freezing yet sweat was dripping down his back. Someone was calling his name and it took a while for Felix to register that he was supposed to open his eyes and reply. His mouth felt like it was stuffed in cotton and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to form words.

“Hey, sweetheart, you should wake up. It’s already ten o’clock,” the voice said. There was a hand on his cheek and Felix tried to open his eyes, finally. The room was too bright and he squinted as pain shot through his head.

“Chan,” Felix mumbled, recognizing the person waking him up.

“Are you feeling alright? You feel a bit hot,” Chan spoke, moving his hand gently onto Felix’s forehead.

“’m not,” Felix mumbled, closing his eyes again.

“Breakfast first or presents first?!” Jisung yelled loudly just outside the open door. Felix groaned and buried his face onto the pillow. 

Realization slowly hit him. It was Christmas Day. And he was feeling like shit. How was this possible? They had so many plans but there he was, feeling like death, skull about to split open. They had been planning Christmas for the longest time and he couldn’t be sick now! He didn’t want to be sick! He’d have to just suck it up.

“I’m fine,” Felix said, trying to sound determined, and pushed himself into a sitting position. Being upright felt even worse and he felt really weak. His whole body hurt and sitting up made him dizzy. He met Chan’s gaze for the first time and he looked amused.

“Baby, I know that’s not true, you just said you’re not feeling alright. And you don’t look so good either,” Chan said, pulling Felix against his chest gently. Felix sighed.

“But it’s Christmas,” he whined and let himself relax against Chan, he was exhausted.

“And you’re sick. So,” Chan started, stroking Felix’s hair. “I’m gonna get the thermometer, we need to check your temperature. What hurts? I should get some medicine, as well.”

“My head hurts, a lot, and my whole body is so sore,” Felix mumbled.

“I’ll go get the stuff, lay down and just relax,” Chan spoke and helped him lay back down, wrapping the blanket around him.

“Could you close the blinds? And turn the light off, it’s really bright and it hurts my eyes,” Felix asked, trying not to feel pathetic and too whiny.

“Of course, sweetheart.”

Felix buried himself deeper in the blankets and pillows as Chan moved to the window. He was trembling from the cold and the blanket didn’t seem to help at all. He felt awful and just wanted to sleep it all away. He felt more at ease when the room got darker as Chan turned off the light. Felix could faintly hear Chan say something but he was already too gone, it wasn’t anything very important anyway, hopefully.

-

“We decided to have breakfast first, then open presents,” Jisung informed Chan as he walked in the living room. Hyunjin was draped over Jisung on the couch while Seungmin and Changbin were in the kitchen.

“Felix is sick,” Chan said, letting out a sigh. He couldn’t say he wasn’t a little disappointed he and Felix would have to skip the plans and just stay home. They had been planning Christmas for some months already, deciding to spend it among friends and only go to their families afterwards. Minho and Jeongin couldn’t make it though so it was only the three couples. Jeongin had needed to go to Busan because his cousin was getting married and Minho had gone to Japan with his family for the holidays.

“Oh no,” Jisung’s face fell at the information. “Is it bad?” 

“It doesn’t look good, but I’m about to check his temperature and give some medicine. We’ll see what happens. But we’ll be staying home anyway, he’s not in the condition to leave the house,” Chan explained and went to get a bottle of water from the fridge.

Seungmin was frowning. “Should we make him some soup? It would be easy to eat,” he asked.

“You don’t have to, and I don’t think we have the ingredients,” Chan said. 

“We can run to the store quickly,” Hyunjin offered, already getting up. 

“Really, you don’t have to. I’ll cook him something when you leave, I think he’ll sleep for now.”

“You can’t cook without ingredients either! We’ll go to the store and you can cook later,” Jisung argued and Chan sighed. The offer sounded good as he wouldn’t have to go to the store himself.

“Okay, thank you.”

-

Felix woke up to Chan waking him up again, he hadn’t been gone for more than five minutes but Felix had managed to fall asleep. He thanked Chan in his mind for not turning on the lights again, his head was hurting even more than a moment ago. He felt nauseated as he had to sit up again to be able to drink the water Chan was offering, he downed the painkillers and hoped they would make him feel better soon.

“Put this under your tongue,” Chan said and pushed the thermometer in his mouth. Felix whined and wrapped the blanket tighter around him. Chan wrapped himself around Felix as well and Felix relaxed against his chest. Chan was quietly telling him about the plans for the day, how Jisung and Hyunjin went to the store so Chan could make soup for Felix later and how they’d leave after breakfast. Felix wanted to protest when Chan said he would be staying home with Felix while the other four would go on with the plans, but he couldn’t due to the thermometer in his mouth. He frowned though, it wasn’t fair Chan would have to stay home when only Felix was sick, Chan deserved to celebrate with the others.

“You should go, I can stay home alone,” Felix said when Chan pulled the thermometer out.

“I’m not gonna fifth wheel them, and I would rather stay here with you,” Chan said, kissing the top of Felix’s head. “39.4°C, that’s not good. Hopefully the medicine will bring it down. You should try to sleep now.”

Felix felt miserable as he rested against Chan, he had been so excited for Christmas and now he was sick. It wasn’t fair. He wasn’t only ruining the plans for himself but for Chan as well, and everyone else too as he was preventing them both from participating. He sighed and snuggled closer to Chan, looking for warmth.

He should just try to sleep the fever and headache away and if he felt better, he could join his friends later in the day when they came back home. He tried to turn off his own thoughts and only focus on Chan, he was humming a soft melody and rocking them slightly back and forth. He felt comforting and safe so sleep came easy in his arms.

-

Chan felt Felix’s body completely relax as he fell asleep. He would probably sleep more comfortably laying down but Chan didn’t dare to start moving him, afraid he would wake up. He would gladly sit with Felix in his arms, for now. He softly swiped Felix’s hair from his forehead, running his fingers through them. His hair was damp, as was his shirt, he was sweating a lot because of the fever yet he was trembling even in his sleep. Chan felt the heat radiating from Felix and he himself was getting a bit too hot as well. He just frowned and hoped Felix’s fever would go down quickly.

He was deep in thoughts when a light knock on the door startled him. He turned around to see Jisung standing in the doorway, he had left the door open earlier to allow some light shine in the room.

“Hey, we’re leaving soon. We got some stuff from the store, hopefully you manage to cook with them,” Jisung whispered and walked closer, looking at Felix.

“Thanks, really,” Chan answered and Jisung just shook his head.

“How was the fever?” 

“Not good, 39.4°C.” Jisung pouted at the words.

“I hope he’ll be better soon,” he whispered and leaned in to squeeze Felix’s hand lightly.

“Oh, by the way, we didn’t open the presents yet. We decided to wait till the night, so if Felix is better, you both can join too,” Jisung explained with a smile and Chan couldn’t help but smile at their friends’ thoughtfulness.

“Sounds good. He’ll be happy about it, he was upset about being sick on Christmas,” Chan said and petted Felix’s hair. They froze as Felix shifted in Chan’s arms and mumbled something incoherent.

Jisung left the room quickly after, leaving Chan alone with sleeping Felix again. Changbin, Seungmin and Hyunjin came to say their goodbyes too before the two were left alone in the quiet apartment.

For about half an hour he managed to sit in the dark room until he got bored. His arms were growing tired and he was getting hungry, not having eaten breakfast yet. He carefully laid Felix down, he mumbled something a few times but didn’t wake up. Once Chan had used all their pillows and blankets to make Felix comfortable, he left the room. He was thinking of the chicken soup he’d have to make later, it was Jisung’s mom’s recipe and they always made it when any of them were sick, just like Jisung told his mom had made him whenever he had been sick as a child.

-

When Felix came to it again, Chan was gone. He was laying in the middle of the bed, surrounded by pillows and covered by two blankets. The room was completely dark and he really didn’t want to move, he wished to be still sleeping so he wouldn’t have to be aware of how awful he was feeling. He reached for his phone to check the time and the brightness of the screen blinded him and reminded him of his headache, it was less intense than before but still there. He groaned at the time, it was already 2PM.

Deciding to go find Chan, and something to drink, he threw the blankets away and got up. His body trembled, he felt so much colder without the blankets, and only then did he realize he wasn’t wearing anything but his underwear and a t-shirt. He didn’t stop to look for more clothes though, it sounded like a tiring task. His legs were shaky as he headed for the door, he still felt a little dizzy too and used the walls for support.

He found Chan in the kitchen, doing dishes while something was cooking on the stove.

“Channie,” he whined, alerting him of his presence. Felix snorted at the way Chan whipped his head around immediately. 

“Are you feeling better?” Chan asked, dropping the dishes in the sink and drying his hands.

“A little,” Felix shrugged.

“You’re shaking,” Chan said and wrapped Felix in a hug.

“I’m cold,” Felix mumbled against Chan’s shoulder.

“Let’s get you some clothes, then you have to eat.” The thought of food didn’t appeal to him at all, but he knew he needed to eat even if he didn’t want to. 

Chan took him back to the bedroom and he collapsed on the bed. Chan put the thermometer in his mouth again before going to the closet for some clothes. Felix pulled a blanket over him, wanting to escape the cold. He didn’t get to lay there for long though, only until the thermometer was ready. His fever had gone down to 38.8°C, which was better than nothing and Chan seemed content with it. 

Felix dressed in the pair of sweatpants, sweater and fuzzy socks Chan had gotten him. It wasn’t an easy job since being upright, especially standing up, was making him even dizzier than before. He hoped it was because of the lack of food and would go away once he ate.

Eating did, in fact, not make him feel better. The warmth of the soup was nice and welcome, but the smell and taste just made him feel sick. He forced himself to eat anyway, Chan had made the soup for him and he didn’t want to be rude and not eat. Plus, he didn’t want to make himself even more weak by not eating, his body needed the nutrition. Though, at the moment he felt like it was trying to reject it.

When the bowl was nearly empty, he deemed it good enough and pushed it away. He felt somewhat worse now and took the glass of water with a shaking hand. He needed to lay down or he was going to throw up.

“How are you feeling?” Chan asked, taking the bowl and dropped it in the empty sink, he had finished doing dishes while Felix was eating.

“Bad,” Felix groaned and stumbled to the living room couch. He curled up on himself and closed his eyes. He took deep slow breaths, willing the nausea to go away. He listened as Chan moved around, first turning off the lights, so that only the soft fairy lights and the television were lighting up the room. He then walking further into the apartment, soon returning and draping a blanket over Felix, he hummed contently at the warmth. Chan then proceeded to lift Felix’s upper body before sitting on the couch and letting Felix lay on his lap.

Felix would be lying if he said he was feeling comfortable, his whole body still hurt and the nausea was welling in his stomach and oesophagus, but he probably was as comfortable as he was going to get. Chan was petting his hair and running his hand over Felix’s body, helping him relax.

When his whole body finally went slack and he was about to fall asleep, he jerked. A strong wave of nausea hit him and he knew no amount of willpower was keeping the soup in him anymore.

“Wha-,“ Chan exclaimed, alarmed as Felix shot up.

Felix didn’t have time to say anything as he scrambled off the couch, almost tripping on the blanket. He pressed his hand hard against his mouth and ran to the bathroom, only bumping into the walls two times on his way.

He dropped on his knees in front of the toilet and his stomach cramped as he threw up the little soup he had just eaten. Tears sprung to his eyes as his headache intensified and he fought to catch a breath between the retches. Once his stomach was finally empty, he took a deep breath, wishing for his stomach to calm down. He grimaced at the taste in his mouth and watched his hands shake as they held onto the toilet seat. He felt out of it and his stomach was still cramping slightly. 

He suddenly flinched when he registered the arms around him, Chan had seemingly followed him into the bathroom and was now holding him while he was dissociating on the floor.

“Are you done? Do you want to get up?” Chan asked right next to his ear. Felix nodded and reached for the sink for support, though Chan was holding him so firmly he didn’t need to.

“Gross,” he said and Chan laughed, though Felix could see the worry on his face as well when he turned around.

They rinsed his mouth and brushed his teeth before Chan helped him back onto the couch. Felix carefully took some sips from the water bottle Chan fetched for him, before laying down on his lap again. Throwing up did make the nausea and sick feeling in his stomach go away, but his headache was back stronger than ever and he felt _so weak_. 

He really was ruining their Christmas. Throwing up made him feel upset and gross, especially because Chan had witnessed him hurl his lunch into the toilet. Their friends were out having fun and here Chan was stuck with him inside when they all should be celebrating Christmas together. He knew crying would do no good for his headache, but he couldn’t stop the tears anymore.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Chan asked, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

“I don’t want to be sick,” he sniffled. “It’s Christmas and we should be ice skating and enjoying the snow and seeing all the Christmas lights, but instead I’m gross and stuck inside and you can’t enjoy Christmas either and it’s all my fault,” he continued, sobbing harder the more he spoke. He buried his face in Chan’s stomach so that Chan didn’t have to see him cry.

“Baby, this is not your fault, it’s not like you chose to be sick! And I don’t mind being here with you, we still have many Christmases to come, and we can go out once you’re better again,” Chan spoke, rubbing his back.

Felix was quiet for a moment, just sniffling and thinking of Chan’s words. Maybe he was right.

“I love you,” he finally mumbled.

“I love you too. Now, try to sleep.”

-

Chan moved his gaze from the television when the front door opened. He quickly glanced at Felix, making sure the boy wasn’t waking up, it had taken him some time to fall asleep, but he had eventually, and was now drooling on Chan’s thigh. 

“Hey! It’s snowing outside!” Hyunjin exclaimed as a greeting and Seungmin slapped him, having noticed sleeping Felix.

“Sorry… It’s snowing outside!” Hyunjin whispered. Chan looked at the window but the blinds were unfortunately closed. They could open them soon though, it should be dark outside already so the lights wouldn’t bother Felix’s head anymore and they’d be able to see the winter weather.

“How’s the baby? Have you both eaten?” Jisung asked and kneeled next to the couch, petting Felix’s head.

“I have, and he did have some soup but threw up afterwards,” Chan said and Jisung pouted. “Did you guys eat?” Chan continued to ask.

“We had some street food, but decided to come back and order take out,” Changbin told, sitting next to Jisung.

They chatted quietly, the television showing some old Christmas movie with white hetero couples. Hyunjin and Changbin ordered the food and it didn’t take long for it to arrive. They set everything up on the living room table and Chan happily accepted the food Seungmin handed him, since he wasn’t able to move. All this while they tried to be quiet enough to not wake up Felix, he did shift a few times and almost woke up once but ended up continuing his sleep.

“What’s up?” Changbin asked when Chan let out a deep sigh. The two were lounging in the living room while Hyunjin, Jisung and Seungmin were taking out the trash and washing the dishes.

“Just thinking,” Chan answered and petted Felix’s hair, he was still radiating heat. “It’s our anniversary on January 1st, you know,” he continued, letting out another sigh. Changbin nodded and frowned.

“And we should be leaving for Australia on the 30th but will he be in the condition to travel? It’s such a long flight too and definitely not enjoyable if he feels like shit.”

“It’s still days away, I’m sure he’ll be alright. And if not, you can change the dates? Right?”

“Yeah, but then we wouldn’t make it there for our anniversary and I had some plans for us,” Chan said, pouting as he traced Felix’s face with his middle finger gently. “Don’t mention anything to him, but I have a hotel room booked for a us for a few nights so we can spend out anniversary alone. I’ll spoil the shit out of him.”

Seungmin snorted as he walked in the room. 

“That’s so cute,” he said and plopped onto Changbin’s lap. “I’m sure he’ll be alright by then, it’s a whole week until the 1st and I doubt he’ll be sick for days.”

Seungmin urged Chan to reveal more of his plans for their anniversary. Chan wished Felix really was deep asleep so he wouldn’t be hearing any of it, it was all a surprise for him. Their conversation was interrupted when Jisung and Hyunjin entered the living room and Chan dropped the subject. The two were carrying the presents and started unpacking them from the big sacks, putting them on display under and around the fake tree they had in the corner of the room. Chan had his and Felix’s presents in a sack in his room and he would have to go get it once Felix woke up. His legs were a little numb and Felix would need to hydrate and try to eat something, so Chan hoped he would wake up soon.

-

When Felix woke up, once again, people were talking around him and his mouth was dry. He swallowed and smacked his lips a few times, trying to open his eyes at the same time. He looked around confused for a moment until he remembered being in the living room instead of the bedroom.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” Chan said and Felix turned to look at him, eyes bleary.

“What time is it?” he asked.

“Half six,” Seungmin said and only then Felix realized his friends were sitting on the floor watching Home Alone. _Half six_ , it dawned to him that he had been asleep on Chan’s lap for _hours_. He sprung up, the room spun a few times and he had to press his hand on his forehead because of the pain in his head.

“Hey, calm down,” Chan said softly.

“I’m so sorry, have you really been sitting there all this time?” Felix asked, flipping so he was sitting properly on the couch. He maneuvered the blanket around so he could wrap it around himself.

“Yeah, but it’s fine,” Chan assured him. He continued to say something about their Christmas presents and stood up, but Felix was distracted by Seungmin, who handed him a bottle of water and a banana. He felt a little afraid to eat, thinking about what had happened earlier so he opted for the bottle first. He slowly drank the water, it felt good in his dry mouth and throat.

“I’m sorry I ruined our plans,” he said and started peeling the banana. “But I’m glad you guys went out anyway.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t ruin anything. We all can go out some other day!” Seungmin said, he had sat on Felix’s other side and was now holding the water bottle.

“Yeah, we went to see the park with all the pretty lights, you need to see it too! It was amazing,” Jisung said with excitement. Felix pouted, it did sound amazing.

Chan heaved the sack of presents in the living room and set them under the tree. They took photos of the arrangement before Hyunjin and Jisung started distributing the present to everyone. Jeongin had come to exchange gifts a few days before he left for Busan and Minho had revealed he was going to buy the presents from Japan so they would be getting them only after Christmas.

Felix watched with tired eyes as his friends opened their presents. He himself was too exhausted to start opening them now, deciding to do so later when he felt better. He didn’t want to leave his blanket cocoon anyway so he just sat there and enjoyed, as much as he could. He could say it was probably the worst Christmas Day he had ever had, but at least he still got to be with his friends, and his Chan.  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! leave comments and kudos, they make my day :') 
> 
> every time felix's pov starts with him waking up and yes, that bothers me but no, idk what to change.
> 
> and for those who have read Saturday Morning! idk if you noticed but hyunsung weren't a couple in that one, but apparently something happened and now they are! :o


End file.
